Daddy’s got your back even when it’s safe 

Daddy’s got your back even when it’s safe 

Crappy day. Have you ever had one of those? Felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Wait, maybe the wrong side of the apartment. Even better, the wrong side of the entire neighborhood. Well, let’s just face it, it could have even been the wrong side of life. That’s how it felt.

Sleep was little after 1 am. My little one was sleeping but he was the only one as he was as noisy as awake. The day started around 6.30 and I felt so needed all day. Even my thoughts were needing me. What if things do not work out as I had imagined? What if I can’t keep up with all of it? What is “it”? You name it. Today. Dinner. Laundry. Life. Marriage. Motherhood. Friendship. Health. Work. Dreams. Passions. I bet your list goes on too… please, feel free to coat it with your own spread. Pity parties usually bring on many guests. They rarely hang alone.

After sobbing and blowing my nose in my own pajamas, skipping breakfast and lunch altogether (because little one is clinging on to me today) and reaching out to a few close friends spilling my guts all over their phone… I decide to take the party outside. Maybe some of my guests won’t follow. Maybe shopping will lose some behind.

Arriving at the mall, a young man smoking something suspicious rushes from the side wall to open the door for me and the stroller. One of my guest leaves. The one that says that no one is nice to me.

I walk around for a while, maybe if I speed up I’ll put some distance between my other uninvited guests and my life. Maybe just maybe I’ll be able to lose sight of them. But again, I would be the only one noticing their absence as nobody else knows about them. If someone would follow me with a camera he wouldn’t see them. They seem to be invisible but yet so present.

Camera. I’m sitting at the food court feeding little one. This strange young black guy comes and sits nearby. Extremely clean and fashionable. Looking like he is coming out of a magazine. He is smiling and looking around behind his huge sunglasses. He seems to be waiting for someone or something. Yet, no one comes. Yet nothing happens. He counts his bills, leaves them on the chair, goes to buy a magazine, comes back and is still looking like something should happen. He sits up, sits down and repeats the parade several times.

Camera. Is someone watching this? I don’t see a camera. I’ve lived in a country where terrorist attacks happened a few blocks away. I know how to be aware of my surroundings. It seems like I’m the only one seeing this though. The parade continues. He looks over and sees I have trash on my table. He asks if he can put it away. I’m not sure. Is that a trick? I agree but have a plan to react if need be. The trash disappears. The parade resumes. Up. Down. Looking around. Counting money.

Another man shows up. Older black male. Put together. Married. Looks like a dad. At first, I wonder if the two are together. But then a conversation starts: where are you from young man? I now think this older man has seen that something was off and wants to get involved. He has seen me. He has noticed and wants to help if needed. “I’m from California”. The conversation carries on. After a few minutes of conversation, the young man leaves.

Are you ok mam? Me? Yes…, why? My name is Mister Carter and I’m the director of security. We have been watching you for a while. This guy is ok. We checked him out. But we were watching you over the camera and we wanted to let you know that there are always security guards who can help. Another guest leaves my pity party. The guest that said that none is noticing me.

And there I was, thinking that no one was watching. Thinking that no one had noticed. Mister Carter had my back and I didn’t know it. Mister Carter had my back even though there was nothing to worry about. After all, who would be watching if all was normal or appeared to be? But Mister Carter was. How much more would have he been there if I had been in trouble, in danger?

And here I am, thinking that my Dad in heaven is not watching. I don’t see the camera so I assume He is not. There isn’t always a big sign, a camera, a word, a person, something that says: I’m watching. So, I forget. But He is watching and if He has my back when it’s not important or dangerous, how much more is He watching when I wake up on the wrong side of life? How much more does He have my back when I’m spilling my guts all over my pajamas on a random Wednesday morning?

A lot more. So much that He promised that He would be with me always. He didn’t say that I would see Him or feel Him always. He said that He would be there. Be. And that’s all I need. He Is and that’s enough. He Is and I’m not. He Is and because He Is, I don’t have to be. He Is and because He Is, my back is secured, I’m safe, I’m seen.

I rest my head tonight and realize that since I’ve been reminded that my Daddy’s got my back, my uninvited guests have left. The party has ended. The house is clean and my thoughts are tidy again. All is in order. I can go to bed on the right side of life. The side of true life. The side of eternal life. The side of my daddy’s life.

 

2 Comments

  1. This was amazing. Thanks for writing and being so open and vulnerable. You’re blessing others with your raw honesty.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s